James Beacon and Laurel Cunningham were mid-coitus last night when James did the unthinkable: called his girlfriend by the wrong name. Although Beacon clearly remembers saying her name – Laurel – she swears that she heard him say “Yanny”.
They immediately stopped having sex after the incident as Cunningham began to grill him about this “other woman”.
“Who the hell is Yanny,” she reportedly asked him, through tears.
But Beacon had no memory of saying the name Yanny and insisted that Cunningham had misheard him.
“He was gaslighting me, plain and simple,” says Cunningham. “He said ‘Yanny’. There’s absolutely no way he said anything else. Like if you had been there and heard him and told me he said ‘Laurel’, I’d be like ‘You’re wrong. Is this some sort of prank? What is happening?’”
Still, Beacon asserts that he didn’t say ‘Yanny’, and would have no reason to.
“Why would I call my girlfriend Yanny,” he says. “Whose name is Yanny? That’s neither a name or a word. I heard myself say Laurel. Am I going insane?”
The two are now meeting with a couple’s counselor and consulting a hearing specialist to get to the bottom of this mix up.
“If he’s telling the truth, then I need to know the science behind it,” says Cunningham. “Is it a frequency thing? Was it like, the way I was laying down or the fact that my legs were up in the air or something? I’m feeling totally batshit crazy over this.”
At press time, Beacon was undergoing medical tests to see if he is possibly an automated computer system, and not a human being.
“We haven’t ruled anything out,” says Cunningham. “But if I’ve been dating a computer this whole time, I’m going to be so pissed.”