SILVER SPRING, MD– A newly developed drug produced to treat homosexuality was approved by the Food and Drug Administration last Wednesday.
This miracle drug “Nohomoicillin”, was originally produced by Chimerix, the same company that developed Brincidofovir as a treatment for Ebola. “Nohomoicillin… attaches to the brain’s serotonin receptors gradually, building up over a period of weeks.
Once the receptors have been completely blocked, the patient will no longer feel any untoward emotions toward members of the same sex, assuming that they continue to take the medication,” says head developer Harold Tarwater.
This drug is also very similar to the drug used to alter the sexuality of fruit flies from gay to straight by changing the way the flies’ sensory circuits react to pheromones.
Side effects of the medicine include erectile dysfunction, depression, headaches, and hot flashes. In rare cases, it may cause “horrible bouts of sexual tension,” says test patient Kevin Vargas.
Nohomoicillin is expected to be available via prescription in tablet and injectable forms by the end of December.