Half-Empty Bottle Of Colt 45 Left On Church Steps Must Be Offering To God

The Onion – America's Finest News Source (Source: https://local.theonion.com)

4 Foolproof Second Date Ideas For When Getting Murdered Is Still A Pretty High...

Dating a new person can be so exciting! But, when you’re on a second date with a man that is still technically capable of killing you,...

MEDIA BIAS: ABC Refused To Give The Babylon Bee An Hour On Prime Time...

MAINSTREAM MEDIA BIAS ALERT! We at The Babylon Bee contacted ABC and asked if they would air an hour-long interview with us to promote our new...

Thomas The Tank Engine admits devastating CRYSTAL METH HABIT

In an emotional interview, Thomas The Tank Engine has admitted that he has a 'devastating' crystal meth habit that is spiralling out of control. A shocking...

A Poem About Your University’s Absolute and Unwavering Appreciation of Its Faculty in Spite...

“A rise in the cost of living chipped away at salary gains by full-time faculty members in the 2017-18 academic year, according to new survey data...

NASA Announces Plans To Place Giant Pair Of Shades On Sun

WASHINGTON—In an effort to make the solar system’s central star look as badass as possible, NASA officials announced Friday the agency’s plans to place a 864,600-mile-wide...

Air Wick Introduces New Piss Scented Bathroom Diffuser

America’s Finest News Source (Source: https://www.theonion.com)

Rastamouse DEPORTED from the United Kingdom

A spokesperson for the Home Office has confirmed that Rastamouse has been deported from the United Kingdom. For the last three years, he has been carrying...

Former first lady Barbara Bush dies at 92 – CNN

NEW YORK — Former first lady Barbara Bush has died “peacefully in her sleep”, a spokesman for the Bush family said she died on Sunday evening....

Child At That Awkward Age Where No One Cares What He Thinks And He’s...

HARTFORD, CT—Acknowledging that their second-grader had reached “that uncomfortable stage” far earlier than most of his peers, the parents of 8-year-old Kyle Fiedler confirmed Friday that...

Shooting Suspect Arrested In Death Of XXXTentacion, It Wasn’t Soldier Kidd Or Soldier Jojo!

A suspect has been arrested in the death of rapper XXXTentacion, according to police. Dedrick D. Williams was taken into custody Wednesday, two days after...

Tekashi 69 Gets Ticket For Beating Chief Keef’s Kid For “Acting Ghetto”

NEW YORK - Tekashi 69 who has been taking Chief Keef's baby mamma on expensive shopping sprees and even recorded himself being a little...

[Video] Tekashi 69 Laid Up Grabbing All On Chief Keef’s Baby Mama! 69 Is...

First he took her shopping now he grabbing on all her we already know whats about to go down next, This is some 50...

Tekashi 69 Spoiling Chief Keef’s Baby Mamma, Major L For Keef He’s Gonna Have...

More shots gave been fired! Not a fan of 69 but this is just foul lol deadass, Chief Keef taking a major L here. Watch...

LeBron James Demands Immediate Trade to The Warriors After Going Down 3-0 In The...

CLEVELAND - After the Golden State Warriors took a 3-0 series lead over the Cleveland Cavaliers in the NBA Finals, it’s is being reported...

Jr Smith Admits He Drank Hennessy During Halftime Of Game 1 Of The NBA...

CLEVELAND - Days after the controversial Game 1 of the NBA Finals between the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Golden State Warriors, Cavs guard Jr...