Half-Empty Bottle Of Colt 45 Left On Church Steps Must Be Offering To God

The Onion – America's Finest News Source (Source: https://local.theonion.com)

4 Foolproof Second Date Ideas For When Getting Murdered Is Still A Pretty High...

Dating a new person can be so exciting! But, when you’re on a second date with a man that is still technically capable of killing you,...

MEDIA BIAS: ABC Refused To Give The Babylon Bee An Hour On Prime Time...

MAINSTREAM MEDIA BIAS ALERT! We at The Babylon Bee contacted ABC and asked if they would air an hour-long interview with us to promote our new...

Thomas The Tank Engine admits devastating CRYSTAL METH HABIT

In an emotional interview, Thomas The Tank Engine has admitted that he has a 'devastating' crystal meth habit that is spiralling out of control. A shocking...

A Poem About Your University’s Absolute and Unwavering Appreciation of Its Faculty in Spite...

“A rise in the cost of living chipped away at salary gains by full-time faculty members in the 2017-18 academic year, according to new survey data...

NASA Announces Plans To Place Giant Pair Of Shades On Sun

WASHINGTON—In an effort to make the solar system’s central star look as badass as possible, NASA officials announced Friday the agency’s plans to place a 864,600-mile-wide...

Air Wick Introduces New Piss Scented Bathroom Diffuser

America’s Finest News Source (Source: https://www.theonion.com)

Rastamouse DEPORTED from the United Kingdom

A spokesperson for the Home Office has confirmed that Rastamouse has been deported from the United Kingdom. For the last three years, he has been carrying...

Former first lady Barbara Bush dies at 92 – CNN

NEW YORK — Former first lady Barbara Bush has died “peacefully in her sleep”, a spokesman for the Bush family said she died on Sunday evening....

Child At That Awkward Age Where No One Cares What He Thinks And He’s...

HARTFORD, CT—Acknowledging that their second-grader had reached “that uncomfortable stage” far earlier than most of his peers, the parents of 8-year-old Kyle Fiedler confirmed Friday that...

Cardi B Says Bruno Mars Might Be The Baby Daddy

LOS ANGELES - In a recent interview with Huzlers, Cardi B admitted that she wasn’t sure if boyfriend and rapper Offset was the father...

Lil Tay Rushed To Hospital After Being Beat By Group Of Children At A...

LOS ANGELES - It is being reported that the internet famous 9 year old ‘Lil Tay’ has been admitted to the ER after she...

4/20 Tragedy: 3rd Person 28 Year-Old Man Overdoses From Marijuana

DENVER, CO – With marijuana grown indoors and mysterious chemicals used to make marijuana stronger everyday it was only a matter of time till...

Fortnite Creator Admits The Game’s Purpose Is To Prepare Young Men For War

UNITED STATES - Popular sandbox game Fortnite has grabbed the world by storm, literally. Being a free game, It is currently one of the...

Fake God’s Plan: Man Just Leaves Store After Announcing He Will Pay For Every...

BATON ROUGE – A Louisiana man was arrested after playing a ‘God’s Plan prank’ at a local Walmart. According to police, Denzel Young, 53, entered...

Is He Human: Mark Zuckerberg Loses Contact Lens During Senate Hearing Revealing Horrifying Lizard...

WASHINGTON, D.C. -During his much-publicized appearance before a bipartisan Senate committee Tuesday, the false, humanlike contact lens Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg had placed over...