Baltimore Teen Incarcerated for Allegedly "Mas*urbating Too Much"

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BALTIMORE – Deshaun Parker, 18, was arrested Saturday afternoon on the 11th of January for allegedly “Mas*urbating too much”. Parker was brought to justice after his own Mother came across something in his room, which appeared to be a schedule of when and where he would Mas*urbate. His Mother thought it was horrific and proceeded to notify Baltimore Police. Ms. Parker revealed to the BPD that the schedule in Deshaun’s room said he was scheduled to “Level 6 intensity Mas*urbation” Saturday afternoon. The BPD busted him in the act as they kicked down his bedroom door and caught him in “Level 6 intensity Mas*urbation”. Police officer Jaime Coronel says “It was horrible, it was truly intense as the schedule said”. Deshaun Parker was taken away after Officer Greg McCoy incapacitated him with a taser gun. A long time friend of Parker was interviewed and said  “Im totally shocked, cant believe Deshaun could be such a criminal, I mean, I Mas*urbate sometimes too but none of that level 6 bullsh*t”.

Deshaun is being charged with s3x crimes and private indecency and is currently awaiting trial and if found guilty, can be sentenced to at least 7 years in federal prison.

We will keep you updated on Parker’s case here at

Written by Pablo Reyes Jr

"Believe half of what you see and nothing you read online." - Pablo Reyes