17 Years Later, Eminem’s Closet Still Not Cleaned Out

In 2002, Eminem topped the charts with his hit single “Cleanin’ Out My Closet” from the album The Eminem Show. The vicious lyrics fledged an attack on Eminem’s pesky mother, Debbie Mathers, who reportedly forced Eminem to skip the big school dance because he hadn’t completed this chore. While the verses in the song heavily criticize Debbie’s vigilance, Eminem ultimately promises that he will clean out his closet that very night. 17 years later, new reports suggest that Eminem’s closet has still not been cleaned out.

We visited Eminem’s dilapidated childhood home in Detroit to see for ourselves, and the scene was nothing short of disastrous. Among the clutter were buckets filled with toy soldiers, a pack of Zig-Zag rolling papers, and a pile of fan mail from someone named Stan. There were even some skeletons hanging in the back of the closet – the plastic, spooky kind from Party City.

Debbie Marshall said she found even darker items yet, “I was digging through one day and I pricked myself on a pile of nails – they must’ve been 9 or 10 inches long! And there were all these colored pills scattered around. Blue and yellow and, um, orange I think. I don’t know what they were for, but they certainly weren’t baby Aspirins.”

When asked about why he never cleaned out his closet, Eminem held firm on his decision: “Well, tempers were flarin’ from parents, but I just blew ‘em off and kept goin’. I’m not takin’ nothing from no one and I’ll give ‘em hell long as I’m breathing. I’ll keep kicking ass in the morning and take names in the evening – wait, you guys didn’t happen to find my snare in there, did you?”

Eminem’s snare drum was not found.

Huzlers.com is a satirical and fictional news blog that focuses on celebrities, hip hop and urban entertainment.